“Do you know how scary it is when your eyes don’t shine anymore?” my friend asked me.

We bumped into each other at the entrance to the supermarket. We have known each other for a hundred years, we communicate, although rarely, somehow we scattered through life, who goes where. But sometimes we collide, in the truest sense of the word). She has changed. Yes, and I’m no longer the same, but she … I always remember her restless, energetic, such a “flash girl”. Very alive, and the eyes… Have you seen the sparks of a night fire? Just right. Only much brighter. Now in front of me stood a pretty little girl with a slightly dull, thoughtful look. It was only when she smiled that I recognized her.

-I’m fine. Fine, she said as she sat down at the table. The cafe was not crowded, everyone was in a hurry somewhere, we were almost alone.
-working. I live no longer alone, then she thought a little. There is nothing to tell, and I do not like to talk about personal things, you know?
I know, I replied, I am like that myself. Just what about the eyes?
– Nothing, they just don’t shine. Is that how it happens?
-happens…

The tea was getting cold. For some time we were silent, each thought about his own, but close to both of us.

-He loves someone else. Always loved. I knew it, but … After all, more than a year has passed, I thought it settled down, it was forgotten. Yes, and I’m around. And… Well, how can I explain… I’m trying… It’s hard…

She took a deep breath and held her breath.

-Do you know how hard it is? I want to hug, but my hands do not rise.
-No, he doesn’t offend me, he tries to somehow get used to it, it’s just… Well, how can I explain… You live with a man who is not yours. And never was yours. And it won’t…

I looked at her and was afraid to move. I do not know why. Everything froze. Some mute doom froze in the air and fettered movement. The tea is already cold. And what’s with the tea! It’s been cold for a while…

– Do you remember how at five in the morning we ran with you to the lake, through the puddles, and laughed like crazy ?, she suddenly issued.
– I laughed. Well, who will forget it.
-it was a good time. She thought again.
– I want to laugh. And carelessness, right? As before, we did not part with you for a day. Were funny. Ringleaders. We go serious, reasonable, and then how we learn) It was a good time … Our time …

…- I want to hug, but I can’t … But just like that, I still don’t know how. Just recently went on a date. Well, I was expecting flowers, or impressions). I wanted to hang around my neck. To see in his eyes the same sparks. They didn’t, but I hoped. I thought it was just reserved, serious. But every time I expected something to fly higher. Well, what about the earth, it’s only the earth, well, I just can’t go on the ground, well, I can’t, you know ??? I want the two of us, so that there is no one else, to dissolve, to merge into one, and breakfast, and lunch, and a day off, and … Together, not for show, not in sight, but in the soul, you understand? You run to work, it’s already not enough, but you just broke up. You write to him. And he writes to her… He writes that he is bored… And I… I just know about it.

She paused abruptly and her eyes sparkled. But it was a completely different brilliance. At all.

“I never learned how to live. It’s not twenty anymore, but in my head … Don’t laugh, Lenka, but even after that I believe in Love, mutual, real. When the two of you are against the whole world, it’s not scary. And you are not afraid of the ghosts of the past and phones, there will be no skeletons, and you are not afraid to let go for a long time – you trust. And an evening by the fire. And the desire to always be together. And read poetry to each other and … speak. It’s great to talk to each other like you and me, remember? Sometimes all night long, when they could not sleep in the camp. Now I am almost always silent. Yes, and there is no desire to speak anymore. And run, fly … It’s not up to flying anymore. But I believe. And I want to believe. After all, both of us did not live here, in some unreal world … So, I stayed there …

…Arriving home, I threw the bag away, took out ice cream from the freezer and sat on the floor in the bedroom. There were no thoughts. At all. It’s amazing how that can be. A little emptiness and a lot of sadness. Ice cream was eaten for a long time, jeans were stained, flowed down the hands, the taste was practically not felt … And clouds floated across the sky, so airy, light, vulnerable … They floated and expected something …

…-I also stayed there, Natasha, you understand? Too…